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Friday, June 4th, 2004
3:52 pm
This nonsense is friends only from now on.

(14 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
6:57 pm
Uh, is this a joke?

ANDY LIVES?!?



current mood: shocked

(15 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Monday, May 17th, 2004
5:53 pm - Jeeeeeesus
I just walked back into the student lab, and someone has installed a fucking DOKKEN SCREENSAVER on one of the machines.

DOKKEN

Here's a little 80's hair band joke for you guys.

A guy and a girl are making out in a car. The girl leans over and whispers "Baby, kiss me where it stinks" seductively, into the guy's ear...

So he takes her to a Dokken concert.

current mood: blank

(6 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Friday, May 7th, 2004
5:29 pm - PHEW!
Man like 7 kids just got shot at the high school my girlfriend teaches at. She was getting her nails done at the time, thank God. *sends one up to the big man*

Hey WMAR, when 7 children get shot in one location that tends to be....gee I dunno like national fucking news? Why is the weather guy talking about taking his crotchety old mom out to brunch for mother's day? Or talking about some lame ass sailboat sitting in the harbor?

WTF

Shut up and give us the fucking news, NORM. Serve your goddamn purpose.

current mood: relieved

(2 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Thursday, May 6th, 2004
1:51 pm

In case you haven't noticed, I can't stop posting to my journal today.

 Honestly though, you need to hear this. Yesterday the handicapped toilet in the men's room overflowed, again. All of the heinous poo water dripped down into the cubicles of the company located below us, again. The accident also left little "treats" all over the floor if you catch my drift. I almost fell over backward when I saw the awful carnage and decided at that very moment that the devil himself had in fact, stopped by to take a shit.

Anyway, Randy the poor maintenance guy told me that after putting on humongus shoulder high industrial gloves, forged in another world centuries ago from raw kryptonite and "fishing around" down there, he found out that somebody here had sabotaged the commode by fashioning a makeshift net out of unwound paperclips and jammed it down the hole, thus ensuring that no poops would get down.

Remember kids, people can always surprise you.

 I was intercepted by management en-route to the mens room with a sign that said:

"In regards to going elbow-deep into a public toilet in order to screw it up, even if you win buddy...you still lose."

I was simply told "No"



current mood: cranky

(6 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Monday, May 3rd, 2004
9:39 am - Way to go Planters
Man, way to call your snack food "Nut Poppers"

current mood: hungry

(4 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Thursday, April 8th, 2004
6:34 pm - MAN

Dear Shomer-Tec,

I have a few questions.

1.  If I were to take your advice and leave your product "in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home" wouldn't people visiting my house think that I did not know how to wipe my rear end properly?

2. How does a pair of  underwear with "special markings" and a bottle of "doo drops" qualify as law enforcement or military equipment?

3. Why couldn't I just use the bathroom, not wipe, then go ride my bike for an hour thus saving myself $9 + shipping and handling?

4.  Could I wear Brief Safe safely?  Were I to get searched by a mugger or raped in a back alley I would most definitely want the power of skid marks on my side.

Thank you,

A Consumer



current mood: confused

(3 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
9:37 am - Sweeeeeet
Cannondale bikes are the shit. Come to Butthead.

current mood: impressed

(8 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Monday, March 1st, 2004
12:17 pm - If you're looking for me...
Ok I know this is lame, but I think the theme song for Sealab 2021 is incredibly catchy.  Has anyone out there ever heard of Calamine?  Are they any good?

current mood: dorky

(4 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
12:38 pm - Ha, dreams are funny
Man I had a messed up dream this morning.

For whatever reason, at 4am my Palm Pilot started going apeshit. Beeping for no reason and what not. In my dream it manifested itself as Julie sitting on the end of my bed in a tank top and pajama bottoms with the morning sun on her face. She was playing a game boy or something and looking absolutely adorable, as usual.

Right at the part where she nuzzled up close to me and started and playing with my hair, I woke up. It was completely dark and I looked over and said "OH it's just my fucking nerd tackle going off, HOW WONDERFUL!"

current mood: awake

(11 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
6:09 pm - Randomness
Ok so I right-clicked and pasted on some random document to see what was on my clipboard and I swear this is what came up.

:P(_*_)

I forgot that I copied that like 7 hours ago. A nickel to you if you can figure out what it is.

current mood: hungry

(10 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Monday, February 16th, 2004
5:26 pm - It's about time.
I just want to say that I'm in a really good place right now. Things are good.

current mood: content

(21 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Saturday, February 14th, 2004
12:02 pm - awwww
Hey Jill,

Happy fucking Valentine's Day.

what

If I'm so childish, I better start living up to my reputation. Give that awesome boyfriend of yours a big kiss for me there skeezer.

*SMOOCHES*

current mood: pissed off

(41 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
5:17 pm - Yeah I'm immature, so fucking sue me
Exhibit A:

The kind of IM's that you typically won't get a response to:

Fuso13: Ok man, seriously
Fuso13: How much money would it take for you to kiss Kenny Wilkinson on his butthole?
Fuso13: I'd probably do it for $5,000,000
Fuso13: But no less
Fuso13: Dude?

current mood: contemplative

(13 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Monday, February 9th, 2004
9:12 pm - No No NO!
Textureslut!!! Come back to us!

current mood: distressed

(9 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

5:08 pm - Fucking son of a bitch!
Ok, remember how I said that nothing would get me down today? I lied. So I've been sitting here for an hour going "Why in the hell do my fingers smell like chocolate?!?!"

I just found out why. My pocket is full, fucking FULL of melted chocolate. I put 5 Dove pieces in there like 4 hours ago and forgot all about them. I turned my pocket inside out and it totally looks like I took an enormous shit inside my pocket, then slapped myself on the thigh. Oh, and the front of my pants have a big greasy brown splotch on them. It's cool though, it diverts people's attention from where I spilled my entire breakfast on my other leg this morning.

Hey, at least I don't have to stand in front of 20 people tonight and teach a lab for 3 hours! Phew! Oh wait, YES I FUCKING DO.

*fiiiind a happy plaaaace*

current mood: uncomfortable

(10 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
8:05 am - That's right
It's now officialCollapse )

current mood: pleased

(3 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
1:45 pm - Craig Brown, the hardest working man in IT
Once a year we get this gigantic box of promotional bullshit from Microsoft at work. Included with all the garbage this year was a giant white flag that says:

Knowledge, Experience, Commitment - MICROSOFT

In the middle of updating our exchange server I crouched down on all fours, had Chris drape the flag over my shoulders, outstretched my hand, shook my head back and forth and said "Can't go on, can't go on."

Feeling a sudden burst of energy I shot up and threw the flag and Chris aside and went "YEAAAAW!" and proceeded to finish my work.

Do they really expect me to do more than this on a day where we should be at home anyway?

current mood: energetic

(6 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
5:35 pm
The double quarter pounder with cheese.

Why don't they call that shit the half pounder with cheese?

current mood: dirty

(9 Pies for me | Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

Monday, January 12th, 2004
2:30 pm - Warning, may cause BONERS
I'm taking this medicine now that has a possible side-effect of

PROLONGED ERECTION

Pray for me.

current mood: optimistic

(Get in that kitchen, and make me some pie)

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